Nothing, I suck at sleeping and now I gave up and am browsing Lemmy

At night, I don’t know why, but I always think about what my own phone, made by me, would be like… I also walk around the house aimlessly thinking about things that will never happen.

I have a degenerative condition and have a chance of going blind should cataract surgery fail.

That’s a fun one.

Unemployment and loneliness.

Lost my job 3 months ago, trying to find a tech job gets harder everyday. Found a small wordpress site gig for $500.

The support structures I thought I had didn’t exist, so I spend sleepless nights thinking about how I got here.

THC for some reason even though everyone else says it helps them sleep.

I had a secure, well paying job in my mid 20s with a very well known company that I was frankly lucky to get given my clear inexperience. I voluntarily left a year or so in. I’m now in my late 30s and work ever since I left has been temporary contracts that lasted no more than a year, and each one was more dreadful than the last.

The money problems and the thoughts of where I could be had I never left that job would be completely non-existent… the life I wish to build for myself and my family, the support I could’ve easily provided my loved ones, the moves I could’ve made to no longer be stuck on the sell your labor for bs pay wheel, all circle my brain at night in bed.

And with the current state of the economy, AI in my industry, the younger generation entering the work force with the latest knowledge, tools, methodology, etc… it’s harder and harder to envision my trajectory getting back to the heights I once had.

I remind myself that I was in my infancy when it came to my professional career with no perspective on the industry (completely diff major in college). I did not have a mentor or direction. And the concept of the private/public sector in relation to job security never dawned on me until much later (I assumed that once you were hired as a contractor, you would eventually be brought on full-time and begin your career with that company… nope ha)

… I remind myself of these things and at times it helps quiet my soul… but at night lying in bed, the most financially stressed I’ve possibly ever been, that reminder does little.

Despite how depressing this all sounds, there’s still a glimmer of hope and optimism left in me. I’m quite grateful for the support I have currently which enables me to plot a change in course starting this coming new year. Fingers crossed 🤞🏾

Wishing everyone well in this thread. So long as we have breath, we have purpose.

Everything is on fire. Bugs are dying, teflon - and chemicals are everywhere, micro plastics, warming oceans, invasive species, west Nile virus, ohh cancer that I might be actually developing right now, the emptiness of existence, the inability to change big things, that at the end it won’t matter. Nobody cares. Me doing my part doesn’t matter. Immeasurable human stupidity, global upcoming financial crisis.
These are of the top of my head. But I do know how to keep my head in the sand, so at least I can sleep well enough.

The thought that I’m gonna die one day

Nothing. I sleep well and I rarely dream.

We are rapidly depleting our healthy soil due mainly to destructive factory farming techniques used across the world.

Just one inch of healthy soil takes centuries to form from the slow breakdown of organic matter by a whole host of micro-ecosystems.

The desertification of massive swaths of our planet continues largely unabated.

A brain that needs to be tricked into falling asleep half the time

Usually it’s not even negative thoughts or anything like that, it’s just busy problem solving

The constant underlying risk of global thermonuclear holocaust.