Murica, land of the free, was founded by people who owned slaves. While speaking about the evils of slavery.

So the madness was always there.

Good. They deserve it. Octopuses are dicks. They keep demanding you to call “octopi.” Sure. When you start calling me and my homies squidi, I’ll start calling you guys octopi.

But no, they can’t see past their octopus privilege. As if having two fewer arms made them superior.

Not good enough obviously.

There’s also the weird decision to put a bunch of easily-bruised bones in your butt which would normally be used for a tail.

I once had a creationist defend the coccyx as being necessary for keeping muscles together. That was fun.

Thank you, I came here to say the same thing. The problem isn’t that we don’t glow, it’s the fact that our eyes suck.

Don’t you apologize. DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING APOLOGIZE.

And now that they have checked, they changed it.

You guys are all laughing about ‘planet,’ but I’ll have you know my uncle died of a cerebral hemorrhage when Neptune hit him on the back of the head. And we all thought it was just a glancing blow, but two days later, he dropped dead right in the middle of the supermarket.

You won’t laugh so hard when it happens to someone you care about.

Yeah whatever. You know what I have to say to the crinoids? “Okay, Cabrian Boomer.”

Sure, if you want to call that success.

Who’s the ocean creature here, you or me?

Sure, if you want to call that a crinoid. I call it a genetic mistake.

Us much more sensible cephalopods came about at the end of that era and you can see why we kicked those weirdos out of the biosphere.

I really don’t like that version because they just look like us and I don’t think they should. Especially with the part about tongues. It doesn’t really make sense.

This is the original short story by Terry Bisson that it’s based upon.

https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html

I don’t know if anyone has done one with CG robots or something, but they should. Bisson must have been inspired by The Cyberiad by Stanislaw Lem, one of my all-time favorite books. Incidentally, I recently found out that book was an inspiration for Will Wright when he came up with SimCity.

Oh, so it’s more of a sour grapes situation.

Do people go on about women being ugly? Like all women?

Maybe that’s how religion started.

What can be ruled over then?!

Learning to do my bidding!