Ah, yes, I too read The Bikini Bottom Horror

Locksmiths hate WD-40

…and this is the puffy-faced fizzblood. We have learned many interesting things about Terra from these creatures. For instance, while they often cry blood, occasionally their eyes will just, you know, burst. Seems to be pretty random, we think they evolved to burst their eyes to confuse predators

Heh heh, benis

Chief…

Same. Still go there on desktop when I’ve got a question related to my profession or SW5e

Goddamn. Most of us would’ve just called them a pedantic twat.

Shit man, that was a righteous burn

(⁠☞ﾟ⁠ヮﾟ⁠)⁠☞

National Epilepsy Day.

We had to give them one, otherwise they’d throw a fit

I’ll^seemyself^out

More like a Boeing

Oh dang yeah DNR. Sometimes I’m a big ol dumb dumb

My dad almost died of a massive heart attack 5 years ago. It was bad enough that we agreed to a NDA DNR after his 4th crash in the ICU. We joke that he heard us talking and said “screw that” because he didn’t crash again and made a recovery.

He’s now in the final stages of renal failure, and every extra day we got these last 5 years has been precious.

If you have family you love, go give them a hug. They won’t be around forever, even if it feels like it sometimes

*edit: DNR, I’m dumb

Every society needs a cry like that, but only in a very few do they come out with the complete, unvarnished version, which is “Remember-The-Atrocity-Committed-Against-Us-Last-Time-That-Will-Excuse-The-Atrocity-That-We’re-About-To-Commit-Today! And So On! Hurrah!

• Thief of Time, Terry Pratchett

Pteppic and Ptraci are waiting beside Ptimothy

^GNU ^^Sir ^^^Pterry

If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.

Edit: FYI this is from Terry Pratchett’s Lords and Ladies, the same book that OP paraphrased

Dunno about first, but the top of the list is Zero Hour, as part of an Airplane! marathon

Well yeah, that’s what I’ve done, but I’m self employed and some of my customers are old and don’t text. I’ve definitely lost some business because my voicemail is full

Visual voicemail is broken on my Pixel, but that might be my carrier (Mint)

BTW if anyone has a fix or a recommended app for visual voicemail please let me know

GODDAMMIT GBOARD

Well at least nothing was randomly capitalized this time