Yeah I definitely need to read this book. For me it’s lead to a lifelong substance abuse issue (one month clean from my current DOC (I’m a polysubstance user), cannabis still but that’s not a problem for me) in which I was self medicating my intense sensitivity to any and all stimuli including emotional (I’m extremely empathetic and have strong feelings at all times unless dulled by substances, yes that includes during sleep) as well as sensory (my dad noticed first when I was young, he said I was "more tactile " when I was in elementary and he was partially right and that how I thought of it until I learned more and developed a better understanding with better coping skills and habits), along with the way I think being pretty rigid in some ways, for example I became a militant atheist in elementary school; I later developed a more accurate understanding of my beliefs but as a child I strongly resisted attempts to proselytize to me and bring me to church and church classes or whatever it was and all kinds of shit that never made sense to me the way it was being explained by religious people who were not well informed but had strong feelings about the topic. I have rarely felt well understood even through years of various therapies and treatments with many providers for my many health issues, including the aforementioned substance abuse issue. This book sounds like it might help me understand myself at least. Thank you for sharing :)

Btw I was very underweight for years, I wonder if that has anything to do with what you mentioned about burning calories thinking. I am literally constantly explaining in my head what I’m doing as if someone was watching me and asking what I’m doing. I’ve gotten really good at explaining myself and during my addiction that came in handy, but now I can use it for good, like having this positive interaction with you :)

Oh I don’t mean it that way, I have always felt like I’m “on” too much of the time and it wears me out, especially in the years since my “big T” trauma event happened. It’s at least partially hyper-vigilance, but I think it’s also just how I am. Thats what I meant by messed up, it kind of seems like I’m in the deliberative state more than I “should” be (or what’s average, whatever) and when the reflexive state happens it’s not always at a helpful time.

Wow that is so fucking interesting. I gotta read that book. I think I have a messed up relationship between those two states if that makes sense

Lol! Fair enough!

Uh yes it was definitely hand-waved away by some “if you look carefully”. It was only the “least-worse option” because so many were successfully manipulated by the system into being placated with crumbs so they wouldn’t revolt at the thousands of other reasons we’ve had for years to fight back against this shit, pushing the Overton window to the right in increments and leading folks to not use or even possess or be taught in the first place the critical thinking skills required to inform oneself and take steps to make positive change, in this system designed to intentionally misinform and mislead us and pit us against each other so we vote for the same rich white men responsible for perpetuating this system and the harm it brings to all of us, especially marginalized communities.

I would recommend to you (and anyone who is interested in informing themselves on what is being done to us) to read “The Shock Doctrine” by Naomi Klein. It details this process of incremental change, and some of the strategies and parties previously and currently involved in taking control of our government (or at this point more like what’s left of it).

(For clarity: I’m not saying both parties are the same, although their goals, tactics, and policies seem less different to me as time passes; I’m not making any general statement passing blame to any group of voters or non-voters in this comment, because I believe the bulk of the responsibility lies on the system and those who hold sway over large parts of it in the form of currency or legislation, for example; I’m not denying or invalidating that you may feel this way and/or believe it is true, I’m taking issue with your statement that “it was never handwaved”, because I most certainly saw that happen and know people who to this day are clinging to that sentiment; I’m not saying harm reduction isn’t the move or good policy, it is but there has to simultaneously be work being done on reducing or removing the source of that harm)

Edit: sorry for run-on sentences. working on it gradually and open to feedback

Read the title of the post 🙄

I do not claim to know what “most people” think and I don’t believe that you have that knowledge either. If you would like to challenge that belief please come with receipts this time, instead of making broad generalizing statements that may seem true to you, when clearly you are biased (not that I’m not, but that’s why I’m not saying shit about what “most people” think).

I agree that you should not be pretending or feigning interest. You should be trying to genuinely find areas of common interest.

How is that at all compatible with the original advice given, which in your own words is the “absolute basics” of approaching and talking to strangers? This is bad advice in my mind and you haven’t said anything to the contrary that is convincing.

Also I would not take your advice on how to talk to people because you’re coming off super patronizing to me.

Let’s say I walk straight up to them and say “I saw you and you sparked my interest, and I’d like to get to know you better.”

Except that’s not what we’re talking about, this piece of advice specifically advises that you hide your intentions.

OK, well what comes next? How do you get to know someone (total stranger) better? It’s going to involve talking about random stuff until (hopefully) you both end up feeling comfortable with each other.

I don’t know about you but I don’t talk about “random stuff”, I talk about things that are important to me and that I actually want to talk about, because that will actually tell me if i feel comfortable with someone and I want to get to know them better.

The other thing is about that first part (“I saw you/wanna get to know you”) is heavily implied by you walking over and saying hello.

Actually it’s not, because in the situation we’re actually talking about you’re approaching a group of people and pretending to be interested in what they’re talking about until you get “an in” with the person you’re actually interested in. That’s lying.

I believe in direct communication, as opposed to playing games. Maybe that’s why I don’t go to a lot of parties or bars etc. it’s hard to talk when there’s so much going on. I have a lot of sensitivity to sensory overwhelm so that doesn’t help. I don’t believe in “small talk” as you’re using it here, I.e. to mean talking for the sake of talking and not about what you actually want to talk about. You’re right that it’s low stakes but it’s basically a mini lie, and I also value vulnerability and emotional honesty very highly.

Maybe for you, but I don’t appreciate when people lead me on like that, especially intentionally.

Eh this feels manipulative and they might notice that. Feels like pick-up artist shit because you arent actually interested in the conversation or the other people and you’re just faking it because your already established intention is to talk to one person specifically, for romantic/sexual reasons

“Every time I have a problem, I just throw a Molotov cocktail, and then I have a different problem!”

• Jason (The Good Place)

How does that work?

https://youtu.be/w2u2CiqWsuw

me_irl

I miss shittymorph

Fuck I was gonna say that :'(

Awesome thanks!

What shape is that?

Nice, thanks