I’d be assassinated before the first day of my term.

well, it should start with something less controversial: maybe a dead removed?

Secretly converting the “bunker” under the East Wing into a retro arcade. They could call it MAMEgate.

I’d wear a green suit. Tan would be cool, but that’s already been done.

I DID inhale.

Doing away with the king.
I live in a constitutional monarchy.

So I created my own party. It’s called the Sloth and Indolence Party, and I’m running as an anarchist candidate in the best sense of that word.  I’ve studied the presidency carefully. I have seen that our best presidents were the do-nothing presidents: Millard Fillmore, Warren G. Harding. When you have a president who does things, we are all in serious trouble.  If he does anything at all, if he gets up at night to go the bathroom, somehow, mystically, trouble will ensue.

I guarantee, that if I am elected, I will take over the White House, hang out, shoot pool, scratch my ass, and not do a damn thing.  Which is to say, if you want something done, don’t come to me to do it for you; you got to get together and figure out how to do it yourselves.  Is that a deal?